An ending and a new begining

My blog with blogger have been ard for abt 8 mths+. Ended with a good note. I will be moving over to msn now as it is more user-friendly.

http://spaces.msn.com/alextanyk/

有心为善，其善不赏；无意为恶，其恶不罚。

Was thinking abt this problem over this weekend. Mind is in a mess, until i took so long to write a simple code of looking for 2 digits out of 3 digit of random order. Systematic mind de-functioning.

This morning was tossing ard in bed at 10+ (slept at 2 am last night after getting fed-up w DG and went to watch Harry Potter at LSC instead) and realise what is wrong with me.

I am still living my own life. I am forcing myself to live a life of a super nice guy. I want to be that nice guy. I am trying to achieve nibbana. 矫枉过正，必自毙！I made the ultimate mistake of being too 执著 and forgetting the meaning of 心无挂碍. Remember i saw this somewhere in a temple in Spore something like, cant really remember 为善欲人知即是伪善，行恶恐人晓当为假恶. Thing become much clearer now.

So, what's next?

真正学习放下执著，随缘自在。凡是不可强求，行善即是如此。

为恶畏人知。恶中尚有转念。为善欲人知。善处即是恶根。

书中自有颜如玉，书中自有黄金屋

I have a very bad habit. I tend to think alot when I am reading a book or watching a show. I once read a book abt a gal who lost all hope to live. Inside the book, most of the words centered on why it is pointless to continue living, there is no joy in living... My ex noticed that i became moody during that period, 沉默寡言，闷闷不乐. She later got angry with me. I threw away that book which i never finish reading.

During my stay in tokyo, i read 老子，庄子，列子，孙子，孟子 and 资治通鉴 (simplified version of cse). On the other hand, YG was there, the ultra modern n hip guy. So most of my free time in Tokyo was spent thinking abt what i want as my way of life. The classic or the modern? In the end, the classic won and i present 老子 thinking as a way of management in my HRM class.

During my 4th year of uni life, the stressful fyp and my cousin determination to convert me to christian lead me to further understand the teaching of buddhism. i thou i ustd (not fully of cse) the meaning of 色即是空, 空即是色 n 无苦集灭道, 无智亦无得, 以无所得故.

Last week, i chanced upon a novel online. It was quite interesting, abt a 16 yr old average guy who did something very evil. He realise his mistake n start to try to correct his wrong doings. In the end, he became this super nice guy in sch n everybody love him. But he occasionally get the attack of the conscience and feel bad of his past wrong doings. I dont know what is the ending. The problem with online novel is the author can post n write as n when he like. This novel havent got an ending yet.

my mind keep thinking whether i am a nice guy or not. is it silly that i keep doing nice stuff for others? isnt it even sillier that i never expect anybody to repay or be nice to me? i havent reach that honourable stage of 燃烧自己 照亮他人, but suddenly, i feel that i havent being living my life. I seem to be always there for others rather than myself. Suddenly I feel that living is tough. Hence, the 神魔交战 n 魔障.

最近....

最近忙吗？

忙，超忙。

忙什麽？

忙打战。

打战？

神魔交战！

--------------

最近好吗？

不好。

干吗不好？病了？

重病。

看医生了吗？

没。无济於事。

啊？是心病？

不是。是魔障！

Beautiful, isnt it

Beautiful, isnt it? Only when u love the codes u r coding, feel the beauty in it, will u be willing to spend time talking to it. :P

Woman - As Explained by Engineers

不识卢山真面目 只缘身在此山中

A (small) joke told in the hallways of MIT ran, "Do you know Hilbert? No? Then what are you doing in his space?" (S. A. Vaughn, pers. comm., Jul. 31, 2005).

I am an idiot running madly inside Hilbert space n till now still dont ustd what is Hilbert space all abt.

:-(

闭门谢客

Was sick since last week, take the chance of this long weekend and forced myself to stay indoor. fri night, which was windly n chilling as i walked home, must have worsen my condition. These 3 days, the furthest i went is Tang front desk.

Boring place......

Sat summarize my 25 pages report to a 6 page summary, 2 pages of words, 4 pages of graphs. Sun spend whole day resting n start reading 云海玉弓缘. finished 52 chapters this morning.

Today, read an article recommend by Tony. This article is good, perfect, impressive. Written by Cuong (MH will know who he is), Karen (Tony ex-post doc, now back in Germany) and Tony, it summaize why n how reduced basis is carried out. Then it explain the most difficult part, how to obtain an accurate analysis of the error of the RB method. Fantastic article, which i got lost at the error estimate when the primal-dual error prediction start coming in. Then read the notes written by Tony on fri, 4 pages, hand written, simple n neat, but again i dont ustd much of it. Have to look for G again. If not for this illness, i will be in the lab bothering him, sianz...

3 days indoor, being eating 冰糖炖雪耳 for breakfast for 3 days, have to eat once more tmrw morning. smooth but plain, other than 冬菇焖鸡 w HM, the rest of the food is plain, plain, plain. I think my tongue is losing its taste bud already.

I think i am losing touch w the world....

锦瑟无端五十弦，一弦一柱思华年。
庄生晓梦迷蝴喋，望帝春心托杜鹃。
沧海月明珠有泪，蓝田日暖玉生烟。
此情可待成追忆，只是当时已惘然。

面对他 理解他 接受他 放下他

Home cooked food. The best thing to eat when u r sick or homesick. Had 雪耳 for breakfast today, lunch is plain rice + 冬菇焖鸡. Cooked a big bowl n HM very 赏脸 came over for lunch.

The chicken is fine, but the 冬菇 is not very good. Have to ask my mum for her secret recipe, no matter what i do or where i eat, her 冬菇 is the best and that taste cant be find anywhere in spore or usa. overall, the dish is just a pass, didnt cook it long enough, only 1 hr+ n dont have 砂锅. Although chinese believe that when u r coughing, u shldnt eat chicken, but there is the only easy meat i have, hack.

28+4 ways to know if u're chinese

1) You unwrap gifts very carefully, so you can save and reuse the wrapping (and especially those ribbons).

2) When there is a sale on toilet paper, you buy 100 rolls and store them in your closet or in the bedroom of an adult child who has move out.

3) You keep a Thermos of hot water available at all times.

4) You save grocery bags, tin foil, and tin containers. You use the grocery bags to hold garbage.

5) You hate to waste food
a) Even if you're totally full, if someone says they're going to throw away the leftovers on the table, you'll finish them. (Your mom will give a lecture about starving kids in Africa)
b) You have Tupperware in your fridge with three bites of rice or one leftover chicken wing.

6) You don't own any real Tupperware-only a cupboard full of used but carefully rinsed margarine tubs, take out containers, and jam jars.

7) You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottles that you take every time you stay in a hotel.

8) You wipe your plate and utensils or wash them in a small basin of hot water before you eat every time you go to a restaurant.

9) You own a rice cooker and a slow cooker.

10) You wash your rice at least 2-3 times before cooking it.

11) You fight (literally) over who pays the dinner bill.

12) You have a teacup with a cover on it.

13) If you're under age 20, you own a really expensive walkman if you're over 20, you own a really expensive camera.

14) You're a wok user.

15) You only make long distance calls after 7pm.

16) You prefer your shrimp with the heads and legs still attached-it means they're fresh.

17) You never call your parents just to say hi.

18) If you don't live at home, when your parents call, they'll ask if you've eaten, even if it's midnight.

19) Your parents tell you to boil herbs and stay inside when you get sick. They also tell you not to eat fried foods or baked goods because they're heaty (yeet hay in Cantonese).

20) You e-mail your Chinese friends at work, even though you only sit 10 feet apart.

21) You always cook too much.

22) You eat every last grain of rice in your bowl, but don't eat the last piece of food on the table

23) You starve yourself before going to all you can eat buffet.

24) You know someone who can get you a good deal on jewelry or electronics, computers.

25) You own your own meat cleaver and sharpen it.

26) Your toothpaste tubes are all squeezed paper-thin.

27) You know why this list consists of only "28" reasons.

28) You take this message and forward it to all your Chinese friends.

There are four more indications that you need to add:

29) You wrap with napkins all the knives, spoons and forks of the airline that you fly on and put in your travel bag as souvenirs

30) You never forget to take with you all the unused bath and facial tissues when you check out from the hotel because you believe that you have paid its all.

31) You will laugh at yourself when you read all of them

32) And you will always proud because you're Chinese

趣味测试

http://spaces.msn.com/hus53/blog/


http://astro.sina.com.cn/t/2005-12-05/103525081.shtml


My answer:

D、梵高

■画家脸谱梵谷是位用尽生命创作的画家，一生疯狂追求真爱且忠于自己的感受。他的作品和人格特质没有世俗的做作和市侩之感，表现在画布上的，就是对世界的真实情感。小时候的梵谷并未马上展现艺术天分，一直到与弟弟讨论艺术品和未当成牧师后，他才恍然大悟，明白绘画才是自己要追求的。在获得家人的支持后，梵谷展开了绘画生涯，并结识许多志同道合的朋友，在法国南部乡居期间，还经常与高更一同创作，他为世人所熟知的割耳事件，也是在这个时期发生。罹患癫痫症的梵谷，最终还是因为精神和身体压力举枪自尽，结束了生命。

■性格基因你是个执着乐观的人，对人生的看法充满热忱和几分难得的孩子气。重视情感的你很容易被打动，正因为如此，经常受制于人情压力，且因为情感付出太多，最后被毫无保留的伤害而深感痛苦不已。你的想法单纯，不够世故是你的优点，也是缺点。任何事情都是一体两面，你的善良成为他人利用你的借口；拿不出主见，受到他人看法影响而摇摆不定，会影响学习与工作，甚至是爱情运。你的妥协多半是没有必要的，因为天真而受创，也难以博得他人的同情。

■生命路线你需要更理性地厘清自己的需要，不要顺着感情做判断和过日子。你已经耗费很多时间与心力在成就他人，和满足自己的情绪感动，剩下来的时间，你应该学着为自己订出原则。保持生命的热忱很重要，但请不要忘了也要善待自己，过滤朋友和予取予求的家人，或是与情人保持距离，是你要加强的务实理性生存态度，千万不要过分燃烧自己，最后只是为了照亮他人。你的身体里面需要有一点点自私的血液，对于人性的洞察也要更加深刻。孩子气虽赋予你可爱的特质，但学习保护自己，也是成长的重要课题。

Miss home

Feeling blue after dinner. First time having dinner at lab. coded like mad n finish a 19 pages report for tony. was thinking of emailing him n then go back for dinner. Then when i check my email, realise that tony had already email me at 2 pm, with more work to do. Stayed in the lab till 9 pm, doing more coding n lengthening the report to 25 pages. sianz...

Mood sort of turn worse while printing report when i realise that i am all alone in the lab, G, S, R, SM, DT, Y, T all left the lab already. When i left the lab, there was only 4 pple left.

Being sick since last weekend. Didnt realise the cause till SH mention abt the snow fight at ashdown. Then tue i rush down to westgate in t-shirt n shorts may have tigger the sore throat, cough n flu. G was kind to lend me his cough medicine.

Miss home where i can ask my dad for western medicine, where i ask my Dr ah ma for chinese medicine, where i can ask my mum for herbal tea....

Plus this afternoon saw my bro msn nick "miss u bro", suddenly all my thoughts are back home. My bro n I r not particularly close, we fight alot since young. But it is always good to know.

Drag the sick body back tang, where all my thoughts are back home. Thou of finding somebody to chat, but got condamm, sianz....


Good nitez........


念故乡

一叶知秋已深
转眼重阳
步履登临走到山上
遥望远方白云念故乡
心内想岁月长
思乡惆怅
未能尽孝道愿爹娘无恙
未能奉左右盼亲原谅
走异邦思故乡　
想到断肠
念我爹娘恩似海样
原为博取前途着想
走异乡到外洋　
关山路长
未能遂素愿衣锦还乡
未能奉左右怀念爹娘
念故乡